Hello, so, a couple of months ago, I downloaded a free book onto my Kindle, and I do this quite a lot, I tend to search for free books, take a quick look at them, download then read and sometimes these books are terrible, and sometimes they’re great. However this book, turned out to be interesting. Verrrrry interesting.
Basically, this free Kindle book turned out to be an erotic novel that had me laughing and shouting OH MY GOD in equal measures. Because sharing is caring, I had to share this with you guys, and I have to say, I’m very glad that you all found it as funny as me, as it was one of my most popular posts ever.
So due to popular demand, I am back with another smutty novel. However this time it was no surprise, but let me just tell you, today’s book is potentially worse than the last one. Yes really.
I had to have a two week break from this book because it made me feel a bit sick, and today, i will be sharing some personal highlights of mine.
Let’s begin shall we?
First of all, this is a short book, which features around a cooking show where the judge and contestant end up together, I mean I’m not being funny but Mary Berry would never act like this, and I think the author works around this genre because a lot of her books are based around a cookery show/competition storyline.
Maybe she saw the success of Great British Bake Off and thought ‘this is great, but what would make it better? PORN!’
The story centres around a firefighter who I’m going to say right now, is fucking unhinged, and a sweet, you guessed it virgin woman (rolls eyes)
You ready? Let’s get stuck in!
Within a couple of pages, we are hit with this.
Who looks at someone and thinks ‘Oh I bet they’re wearing white pants?’
and then the last line – just no words.
Old white pants and white pants lover start getting things on VERY QUICKLY. They start talking at the cookery show, then they arrange some deal where he’ll give her some lessons on being confident and dating, and then they’re at her place and things get even WEIRDER with the white pants- trust me, just wait.
Me looking for this woman’s self respect
Christ in fucking deed.
Unless you’ve got a Guinness World Record for The World’s Largest Dick, then I’m calling bullshit.
Why do the characters go from 0 – 100 in these books? If someone said that to me I’d run for the hills.
Is this supposed to be sexy? Hmmm future restraining order – SO HOT.
Two things : weeping flesh. WEEPING FLESH.
And ‘fuck my girl or die’ – bit extreme.
Is this an erotic novel or an over descriptive version of when you take your dog to the vets to get their anal glands expressed?
‘Let’s make me a daddy on the first try’
But then it gets worse…
HOW MUCH IS THERE? DOES HE NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR?
Then we get to the epilogue …
Bloody weird.
We finish on this delightful note –
Well I hope you enjoyed that! Let me know if you’d like me to continue this series 😂 have a good weekend!
