Doing the food shop is probably top of the tasks I hate doing. I just find it quite boring, the thinking of what to buy, the going and doing it, the packing, the unpacking, I mean yawn.
But up until a few months ago, the food shopping was just a dull activity for me, but that was until something happened that now means the food shop is something I dread for a whole other reason.
Picture the scene, it was like any other time I did the food shop, I tend to go in the week as it’s quieter, yes you sometimes to have to deal with Ethel picking which pack of Mince to get, like her life depends on it, but you know, better than the Saturday morning rush – everything was normal till I got to the packing station.
I shop at one of those places that throw the food at you at the checkout, the members of staff maybe missed their calling on Supermarket Sweep as I’ve never seen such speed, so there I was packing away my shopping.
Out of the corner of my eye, I realised a man with about 3 maybe 4 items go the shelf/station next to me, I ignore him though, and carry on with my method of packing which takes me about 5 years, cause I’m putting away my veg in one bag, dairy in another, etc… and I realise throughout this whole process, the guy next to me stays.
I mean how was he an even slower packer than me?
I finally go to leave and alarm bells start to ring when Mr Three/Four Items follows me out instantly, (I mean he could have been a bit more subtle) but no like Roadrunner he’s out too, I try to think ‘it’s nothing’.
I leave the shop and get to the car park, and within a few steps of getting outside, I feel someone behind me, like really close- unusually close. I turn around and there he is, standing literally within centimetres of me; he looks at me and gestures down to my bum and says ‘well that’s a nice view isn’t it?’
I was like ‘WHAT?’
Completely shocked that:
1. This man had waited for me to leave and followed me
2. Getting so close to me, I could feel his breath on my back
3. Gesturing and talking about my bum … all in the supermarket car park on a Friday afternoon.
He repeated it again and looked so pleased with himself, I was almost frozen, not sure what to do, he slinked off to his car, I went to mine, keeping my eyes on him the whole time, I wrote down his reg plate and waited in my car with the doors locked till I knew he’d driven off.
In hindsight, I should have turned round straight away, and gone back to the shop and reported him there and then but I was so shocked, I was out doing the food shop yet some man had gone out of his way to make me feel uncomfortable.
I did report him to the police who did take it seriously, but part of me felt a bit silly that I couldn’t go to that supermarket for about a month after it happened, or that I always look in the car park for his car, or that I panic if a man gets too close to me in the supermarket, I feel silly because what he said wasn’t that bad– he didn’t touch me, but ultimately he made me feel vulnerable.
As a woman, I unfortunately feel vulnerable in other situations, such as walking home at night in the dark, late train rides home, etc… but I was just so shocked to feel vulnerable at bloody Lidl.
I think the reason why this sparked off my anxiety, was because sadly, this was not my first rodeo when it came to public sexual harrasment. From being as young as 12/13 I remember men shouting at me, beeping their horns, wolf whistling, but the scariest one was back in 2015 in Southampton when a man followed me whilst I was walking Frank.
I had to get a lady who was also walking her dog to pretend to know me because I was terrified and knew for certain this man was following me, the lady was SO lovely, she stayed with me, even walked me home and gave me her phone number – she restored my faith in people that day.
Anyways, we were moving anyways within a few weeks of that happening, but that man made me change my entire route for how I walked Frank, and when I think of that day, my heart still races and I still see his facial expression of how he looked at me as he followed me.
I get angry, because I know for a fact that I’m not the only one this happened to, in fact every single woman I know, has had unwanted sexual attention/ street harassment.
My sister was flashed by a man literally a few weeks ago, at 6pm whilst waiting to pick up my Mum from work, my Mother In Law remembers being flashed in a park as a school girl, I’ve been with my friends when men have shouted stuff at us in the street.
The recent season of Netflix show Sex Education had a powerful storyline in which a character was a victim of sexual harassment and abuse whilst on the bus, and the incident lead to her having anxiety, panic attacks and refusing to get on the bus.
She confided in a group of female peers, and every single one of them also shared their experience of sexual/street harassment/abuse, showing that sadly sometimes this is one thing that as women we all have in common.
In 2016, research carried out by End Violence Against Women Coalition found that 64% of women of all ages have experienced unwanted sexual harassment in public, the number was even higher for 18-24 year olds where 85% had experienced it.
Children’s charity Plan International UK ran a survey in 2018, which found that 66% of girls in the UK said they had experienced unwanted sexual attention or sexual or physical contact in a public place, 42% of those didn’t tell anyone, with 33% saying they were too embarrassed, 28% worried about being taken seriously and sadly 14% said they kept quiet cause they felt they were to blame.
But why is this?
When I initially posted about my supermarket incident on Instagram, I said things like ‘I felt silly for being so upset’ I even said above ‘it wasn’t that bad what he said’ but I was inundated with messages from people telling me to not feel ashamed or silly whatsoever.
This behaviour is not okay, yet we constantly are made to feel like it is.
In fact, things like wolf whistles, getting shouted at, may even be seen as a compliment, things we are told to ignore, but I tell you what, I’m fed up of it.
What gives someone the right to make you worry about doing your weekly food shop without being followed/harrased? What gives someone the right to make you think twice about what route to take home because it’s dark? What gives someone the right to make you feel like you should get changed because you don’t want to get any unwanted attention because of your clothes.
I would also like to point out that I obviously know that women aren’t just at the receiving end of public/street harassment. Street harassment and whether that’s of a sexual nature, body shaming, racism, hatred, should be illegal.
You know that you can get fined for dropping litter here in the UK so why can’t you get fined for harassing someone because of the way they look, their gender, their skin colour, their sexual orientation?
Countries such as France, Belgium and Portugal have introduced these laws however, and with great success too.
French police handed out almost 700 fines for sexual harassment since new legislation came into effect in the first year, I can’t seem to find any more up to date stats on this, but this was between 2018-2019.
The law covers sexist insults, degrading or humiliating comments, or hostile and offensive “sexual or sexist” behaviour towards a person in public areas, schools or workplaces.
So why is this not the case in the UK?
Two sisters, Gemma and Maya Tutton, are currently campaigning to to make this a law though, and they are doing an incredible job.
Gemma and Maya, who are 15 and 20 have both experienced street harassment, and decided that it wasn’t okay to just let this happen. Maya was upset to hear her little sister experienced street harassment at the age of just 11, and the two of them have been campaigning to make Public Sexual Harassment illegal in the UK.
Their Instagram Our Streets Now in their words, ‘raises awareness about street harassment and focuses specifically on how different forms of oppression intersect with this sexist violence.’ They platform stories from victims, and have designed Our Streets Now to be an inclusive, safe space and affiliating for victims of public sexual harassment. The girls highlight that your experience of street harassment is valid, as are your emotions.
No more feeling silly, or just ignoring it.
They currently have a petition on Change.org which has almost 200,000 signatures (so please go sign if you haven’t already!) they have backing from UN Women, and have been featured about the campaign on many outlets such as BBC Politics, BBC radio, The Guardian and many more, which I just think is so inspiring.
I reached out to the girls who very kindly spoke to me over Instagram, and it sounds like the campaign is progressing well, which is just incredible.
I wanted to know though, what more we could do to help the campaign, and the girls told me that there’s four things that we can do to help;
Firstly, if you agree with making Public Sexual Harassment in the UK illegal, follow Our Streets Now on Instagram, Twitter, etc… because essentially the bigger their platforms are, the bigger push they will have in parliament.
Secondly, send in your experiences of street harassment to the girls. They want to have as many points of view as possible, as this will help the campaign, you can send this to them via DM on Instagram.
Thirdly, is of course, signing and sharing the petition and Fourth, is to get talking about public sexual harassment.
Talk to your friends, family, about their experiences, and start the conversation. The more we talk about this and get it out there, the more it resonates this is not okay behaviour and something we shouldn’t just ignore or feel embarrassed about.
Don’t just talk to the women you know, but men too, many men may not know that this even happens, so educate them, let them know, ‘starting a conversation is really important’ the girls highlighted to me.
Like I mentioned above, I know that public harassment doesn’t just happen to women, and the experiences of public sexual harassment that I’ve spoken about may be similar to yours, or they may not.
Whether public harassment has been of a sexual nature like mine has, or has been based on size, disability, racism, transphobia, homophobia- we need to talk about this and be open.
We shouldn’t have to put up with this.
As Maya Tutton recently said in an article she wrote for I Weigh ‘erasure often happens when speak in general terms and when talking about street harassment, to foreground not just one experience or one kind of body. What is clear though, throughout all the stories we’ve shared, is that street harassment is hurting us. The consequences are real and tangible’
Our bodies are ours and not to be objectified by strangers in the street, or shops, or on the bus, or wherever we may be.
We should feel comfortable to walk down the street, to wear what we want, to be with who we want without having to worry about what others may say or do.
You should definitely feel safe whilst doing things like your bloody food shop.
I know that making public sexual harassment illegal may not stop it altogether, but it might make people wake up and realise that this behaviour is not okay. That it can have a real detrimental effect to someone’s mental health and well- being and is something that should be taken very seriously.
If you’ve experienced public sexual harassment, and been affected by it, know that you are not alone, your feelings are valid, and I truly believe that if we push campaigns like Our Streets Now, and start to open up the conversation about this, we can make a change.
Please always remember to call the police if you ever feel unsafe and experience public sexual harassment.
If you experience behaviour that makes you feel uncomfortable on public transport, you can report it to the British Transport Police by texting what, when and where to 61016.
A big thank you again to Maya and Gemma for taking time out of their busy schedules to talk to me for this post, please, please go sign their petition.
Have you ever experienced this? How did it make you feel?
Please feel free to DM me on Instagram if you’d like to talk in private x
